One Flew From the Nest:  College, Dorms and Your Young Adult

By Wendy Stewart-Hamilton

Okay, I’ll admit, my husband and I are sad and joyful at our oldest daughter’s launch into the world as a College Freshman.   We are sad because we know that a chapter in our lives as parents is over.  Joyful, well, because we know that a chapter in our lives as parents is over.   

That’s one down and two more to go. 

Helping our daughter get ready for college was a daunting experience.  I know our checking account cried every time that little plastic card was slid through at a retailer and at one point we weren’t even 100 percent certain that our daughter was in the back seat of the car.  Luckily, she squeezed in somewhere between the mattress pad and the huge stack of towels.  

In getting child ready for college there are a few things to remember: 

1. All dorm rooms are not created equal.

Before investing in sheets, bedding, bathroom accessories and more, contact the school and find out what size beds are in your child’s dorm room and the layout of the room.  Sometimes the beds are Twin Long and other times they are Twin.  Closet space and bathroom size differs from dorm room to dorm room. 

2. Storage is a must

If your child is used to living like Mooch the Messy, then being closely surround with all of his gear is not acceptable.  Your child needs space.  

 Unfortunately, unless you are financially able to swing the cost of a private room, your child will be co-bunking with another person (or more) in a space not much larger than your normal hotel room.    While colleges try to give as much room as possible to its students so that there is not blood shed in dorm room turf wars, you, as a parent have to do your part.     Think of options that allow for the raising of the bed a few more inches (using Bed Lifts or creating a loft) to allow for more storage underneath.    Although Bed,Bath & Beyond, Linens ‘n Things, and other higher end stores offer many options for storage, Walmart (www.walmart.com) has the best prices and a price-match system for hard-topped, plastic storage containers that will slide under the bed. (Most around $6/each). 

Focus on collapsible.  Bed, Bath & Beyond as well as The Container Store, offer some of the most inventive collapsible nylon and canvas storage systems in just about every shape, color and design.   When not in use, your child simply, squishes them down flat and slides in the nearest cubby hole.  

For ultimate space – SPACE BAGS 

These things are fun!  Forget the movie or going out to eat, this is quality entertainment.  Basically, a Space Bag is a specially designed nylon bag that has a valve-compression system that allows you literally put massive amounts of fabrics (clothes, bedding, towels, pillows, blankets) into a Space Bag and using a vacuum cleaner, compress a lot down to a little.  

When my husband and I with our daughter, opened up our first package we realized that this was no ordinary bag.  As we combined a complete twin sheet set, towels, and more into a Medium size back and sucked it down to under an inch in width, the audible “ooooh” and “aahhhh” could be heard from our clan.  

Our family enjoyed these so much, we went shopping around and found that the best deal online was through an Ebay Seller  best-buy-always  who offers a 15 combo space bag set (with plenty of Large/Extra-Large bags) for $28.85 plus shipping.   * Shipping costs are reduced significantly when you purchase more than one set * 

The Space Bag is also available at other retailers, like Walmart, but the cost per bag is higher.   

Warning***there are some “imitation” Space Bags out there…just note that imitation is not always the most sincere form of flattery, sometimes it is just an inferior product.  

3. Watch your budget

It is so tempting to want to give your child everything they want to start their new life, but be practical.   They don’t need everything new and crisp, and sometimes having a few things from their “old room” or their “old life” is comforting when those home-sick blues hit about week 3 into college.   Communicating up front with your children about what the budget it, helps the child pick and choose what is important, what is frivolous and well, what is absolutely necessary.  

More Tips: 

Sweet Words That Mean Something

When your child is ready to go, be sure to help them pack.  While packing, slip in notes that your child will stumble across to let your child know that you are thinking of them. 

Sweet Pea, Phone Home

Be sure to keep up your end of the conversation bargain while at the same time realizing that your child is going to be busy.   While you might want to think that they are busy making sure your investment in tuition will be returned, realize that they are beginning their new life, formulating the new person they are without “PG” (Parental Guidance).   Leave messages, send letters and definitely send e-mails.  (Just keep your expectations low for any sort of lengthy response – trust me, first bout of homesickness, or advice needed, they’ll call.) 

Operation: Support

Send packages often.  Don’t forget your child’s roommate.  Getting a gift from their roomies’ Mom and Dad might almost be enough to let your child’s roommate forgive your child for being a closet hog (shower hog, or just living like a pig).  Note: that is almost enough, if in doubt that your child is always as generous as they should be – make sure you send a quick note about Roommate Management and how to be a good roommate.  Some ideas for care packages are:  pre-paid phone cards, gift cards to local stores and restaurants like Walmart, Blockbuster, McDonalds, Chik-fil-A and more.   Don’t forget things like sending a container of your home-baked cookies.  Don’t bake cookies?  What about sealing and surrounding with Dry Ice some of your homemade chili, some Brisket or something they can reheat in the microwave and feel closer to home?   

Stamps, stationery, school supplies, quarters for laundry and anything that catches your eye – like that boggle-head smiley face – is perfect to include in a care package.

 Bottom line, although it is okay to let our children know that we miss them – it is NOT okay to lay guilt trips on them about being so far away, or focus to the point of manipulation on the fact that WE NEED them.  If you are caught in this situation of parenting co-dependency; get out, get involved in a mentoring program at a nearby school – and enjoy passing on your lifetime parenting experience onto a new crowd.