Sacred and Scared

by Annette Irby

(Jr. High) Middle Ground: Sacred and Scared

            My 12-year-old daughter will begin junior high this fall. We visited her new school in early March for orientation night. What a difference from elementary school. I remember the same from my own transition. But it’s a bit daunting. The larger space, the divided class periods during the day. The sheer number of students who will gather at this two-year school.

            I remember my own concerns as a soon-to-be seventh grader, but I also remember being excited. My older sister made it look easy. Sure, it was challenging at first, and I sometimes had “late to class” dreams, but I also gained confidence as I succeeded. I grew more responsible and even excelled once I got the hang of things in that foreign environment. But my oldest daughter doesn’t have a forerunner. She’ll be the brave one to test the waters first. She is brave. I honor that about her.

            So many changes are on the horizon for my little girl. One thing, she won’t be a little girl much longer. Even now, she’s taller and more mature. She soothes our baby like an adult, when I ask her to help out. And yet there are those melt-my-heart moments. The other evening, she gazed at a musical knick-knack that graces our mantle. It’s covered in cherubs, some of which move when you wind the bottom. Like a little girl, she watched the hand-painted piece and I wondered about her imagination being stirred by the colors and movements. It was a moment of girlhood that, like many others, I’ve begun snatching close to my heart lately, to cherish. Recently, it hit me that the season of girlhood is fading for her. I’ve begun a process of cherishing and grieving. The elementary school years are nearly over. Did I spend enough time in her classrooms for parties or special events? Did I get involved enough? Did we make the right decisions about camp and sleepovers and which friendships to encourage? But when I think of all the growth and how she conducts herself, I recognize the traits that make her who she is: strength, integrity, honesty, morality, compassion, justice. She carries herself with dignity and poise. I’m proud of her.

            Could it be that 12 years ago, she was like my newest baby girl? Seems like yesterday that she stood and took those first few steps in a row. Or, demanded scrambled eggs on her highchair tray. Or started kindergarten. Wow, letting her go that day would have been so much harder if my own mother hadn’t been visiting from out of state. Somehow, you release your children. My mother did. She released all four of us to kindergarten, junior high, high school, moving out and finally marriage. Oh, I can’t think that far ahead. It’s a bit overwhelming, for me at least. And I can see the concerns flash across my daughter’s face. But I also believe in her. I know she has a good sense of right and wrong. I know she has courage and leadership skills. I also know God will go with her everyday she steps out of the house and into her future. Yes, I believe in her. I really love her. Have I communicated that enough? In my words and hugs, in listening and sharing, in playing and singing, have I expressed my heart well enough?

            So like me, she enjoys art and singing. Her voice is beautiful and she will pursue choir in junior high. I love seeing the confidence in her that somehow I never carried at her age. I’m so glad we’ve taken time for family Bible devotions so we can address issues that come up. How I want the freedom of Christ to buoy her. So, I pray. The best release I can offer her is to release her into God’s arms, into His care. I know I’ll still play a vital role as we step into the next season together, as will her father. But I also suspect the gradual releasing will only increase over the next several years—socializing, driving, dating, graduating.

             But I look forward. I know the dynamics between us will gradually change as well. In her maturity, she’ll need less, “sit there and do this” kind of instruction and more heart to heart care. There will be room for hot chocolate and deep conversations and mutual growth. I’ve never parented a tween before, but we’re headed in together.

            If you’re like me, and your child is headed off to junior high, enjoy the process. Cherish the special moments of childhood that remain as your child moves toward adulthood. Discuss the future with your child. Discuss fears and hopes and dreams. Help your child relate to you by being honest about the anxiety you might have felt before leaving elementary school behind. Mourn childhood together, but anticipate a great future. Jeremiah 29:11-13 says that God has good plans for us, plans that include prospering us and giving us a future and a hope. That is a promise for your pre-adolescent and for you. Shed some tears, dream about what’s ahead. Pray. And watch what God does. My daughter’s beginning junior high is another first in a long list of firsts. And I am so proud of her. This September, when I send her off for her first day, I may cry a little, but then I’ll pray and remember God has her, just like He always has. From the womb on. And when she gets home with her stories to tell, I’ll listen and remember to cherish our time together.